Ultra Oops!
by JR Salazar
Summary: Here's some stuff that you won't hear on Ultra Maniac. Possible spoilers and WAFFles. Yummy yum yum! *CHAPTER 3 UPLOADED*
1. Things you won't hear from Ayu and Nina

I decided to put up a humor fic, in which there are some "outtakes" from Ultra Maniac. There may be spoilers, I don't know. Let's see how this plays out. This is just a bit of a feeler chapter. Give me your thoughts on this.  
  
Ultra Oops!  
Chapter 1:  
Things you won't hear from Ayu and Nina  
  
----  
Ayu: Nina, you look like...that girl from Card Captor Sakura!  
Nina: WAAAAH! Don't say that! Besides, Clow Reed is evil. He's one of our enemies in the Magic Kingdom.  
Ayu: But still...why the Card Captor uniform? Does Daidouji-san come there, too?  
Nina: Who is...Daidouji?  
  
Ayu: Nina?  
Nina: What?  
Ayu: I love you. Please marry me.  
  
Ayu: And all the oral sex...  
Boys in background: THE ORAL SEX! THE ORAL SEX!  
Nina: (whispering) You had to say that out loud, Ayu-chan?  
Ayu: ...nani?  
  
Ayu: (in haggard clothes) Nina, can I move in?  
Nina: Why?  
Ayu: The real world sucks. I want to be a magician.  
  
Ayu: What do you think about...an IRON FIST PUNCH! (punches Nina real high)  
Nina: I~~~tai~~~~!!!  
  
Nina: (in Sailor Senshi garb, posing) Shuei ni kawatte, oshioki yo!  
Ayu: And how is that going to stop the criminals?  
Nina: (sees police already caught criminals) I...got the point.  
  
Ayu: Nina...  
Nina: What, Ayu-chan?  
Ayu: Touch me right there.  
Nina: But...that's your...b...o...o...b...  
Ayu: Do it, or else I'm not letting you stay at my house again.  
Nina: (defeated) Okay.  
Ayu: Ah, that feels better. Ahhhh...I'm turning into a pile of goo...  
  
Ayu: You know what, Nina?  
Nina: Huh?  
Ayu: You remind me of Kaji-kun, only better.  
Nina: What?  
Ayu: (strips in front of Nina, causing some of the boys nearby to blush) I want you to rub me gently.  
Nina: Shhh. Later, when we're alone. And put your clothes back on! The boys are starting to get nosebleeds here.  
Ayu: (sees Kaji getting a nosebleed) Kaji-kun...!!!  
  
Nina: Ka...me...ha...me...HA! (hurls super-powerful energy blast at Sayaka, grilling her, and causing the gym to get ruined)  
Ayu: (facefaults, sweats) ...baka...  
Muten Roshi: (in a James Brown hick accent) Dyno-MITE!!! (gives thumbs up)  
  
Nina: Do you know where Li Syaoran is?  
Ayu: Who's Li?  
Nina: Because I need to tell him...that I love him.  
Ayu: (facefaults)  
  
Nina: Geeze, if this doesn't work...I'm out of ideas...  
Sakura: Allow me! WINDY CARD! RELEASE AND DISPEL!! (sees giant Lulu) What is that?  
Nina: Um...that's Lulu...  
Sakura: AND WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!? FRIGGIN IMPOSTER! That's my clothing you're wearing! I have copyrights to that! And Tomoyo-chan, too, no less!  
Nina: Who's...Tomoyo-chan?  
Sakura: Show me who you really are! You can't be me! I'm gonna have to bring in Cerberus! Hey Cerberus! Get this lizard outta here!  
Cerberus: Will do! (with a roar, gets Lulu out of the school grounds, but then, collapses in drunk disbelief)  
Sakura: Cerberus?  
Nina: Are you...Kinomoto-san? THE Kinomoto-san who captures Clow Cards?  
Sakura: At least they're better than that stupid computer you're using.  
Nina: Is not!  
Sakura: Is too!  
Nina: Is not!  
Sakura: Is too!  
Nina: Is not!  
Sakura: Is too!  
Nina: Is not!  
Sakura: Is too!  
Ayu: What is Nina doing up there?  
Maya: You got me...ahhh! It's Kinomoto-san!  
Ayu: Ehhhhh!? No way!  
Kaji & Tsujiai: Kinomoto Sakura-sama?  
(everyone rushes out of the school to see Sakura and Nina bicker it out)  
Kaji, Tsujiai, Ayu, Maya, the entire class: Kinomoto Sakura! WE LOVE YOU! AAAHHH! GIANT LIZARD!!!  
Nina: Now look what you did!   
Sakura: Oh no, no, no, no, no...don't look at me.  
Maya: Oh yeah, that's right. (goes on her rocking chair, and pours potion on the big cactus and Lulu, shrinking them to normal size)  
Sakura: Well, now that's settled...(sees crowd chasing her and Cerberus) Nooooooooo!!!  
Mikami-sensei: HEY! Class isn't over yet!  
Rio: (busts out of gymnasium, still big) What about me?  
Everyone: Aaaaahhhh! Giant Cat! Waaaahhhhh!  
Ayu: Now I know how it feels to live your nightmares...I might as well be spirited away!  
Maya, Nina: Waaahhh!  
Nina: Rio!  
Maya: Damn! I ran out of shrinking potion...  
Rio: You don't have any? What excuse for a witch are you?  
Maya: ...sorry...  
Sakura: Get me out of here, Cerberus! They're about to get a piece of me!  
Cerberus: (already run over by Shuei crowd) I...can't...they...got...me...my pain is gone...and back...itai...  
Sakura: Dammit! Iyaaaaaaa!!!  
Ayu: I want my mommy...  
Nina: ...I want my grandpa...  
Maya: ...  
(Sakura runs off into the sunset, chased by Shuei crowd, which is in turn chased by giant Rio.)  
***************  
End Chapter 1  
Feedback. Do it now. 


	2. More things you won't hear from Ayu and ...

"And it's na-na-na-na-na-na, late at night..." -I Count The Tears (The Dirfters)  
  
There are some more thoughtful outtakes that we may never see in Ultra Maniac. Here's some more from the odd couple. Enjoy.  
  
********  
Ultra Oops!  
Chapter 2:  
More things that you won't hear from Ayu and Nina  
  
Nina: Rio! Slow down!  
Rio: Heheheh! I can't! This is fun!  
Ayu: Nina...why did you ditch your own scooter for the power to turn Rio into a winged liger with a fancy jeweled helmet, when you can't even manage to control that scooter!?  
Nina: I must have been watching too much of that Card Captors show...SLOW DOWN, RIO! You're gonna get us killed out here!  
Rio: Wheeeeeeeee!  
Ayu, Nina: Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!  
  
Ayu: Oh my god, they killed Kaji!  
Nina, Rio, Tsujiai: YOU BASTARDS!  
  
Ayu: D'oh!  
  
Ayu: (points to Kaji in front of everyone at class, yells with authority) Kaji Tetsushi, you've been one naughty bad boy, and oughta be punished. Now drop your pants and get on my knee!  
Nina: o_o Ehhhhh...Ayu-chan...out loud...?  
Kaji: o_o Nan...da...yo? (nervous laughter)  
(class looks at Kaji)  
Tsujiai: Oh, geez...  
Mikami-sensei: Ayu...(whispers) this isn't sex education...  
(class breaks into hysterical laughter)  
Ayu: (|)_(|)...-_- gomen nasai.  
  
Ayu: You look like one of those Card Captor Sakura rejects...  
Nina: Well, if you didn't know it, I'm a CCS fan. That's why I have this as my garb, hmph! (pouts)  
Ayu: Okay, in that case, I'm going to reach out for the phone, and...  
Nina: NO! NO! NO! Please don't call the police! They're going to arrest me for blackmailing Kinomoto-san! Please! I beg you, dearest, please! (holding Ayu tight, crying hysterically, whimpers a puppy)  
Ayu: The things I do for friendship...  
  
Naru: There's someone at the door. Get it, Keitaro.  
Keitaro: Oh! Welcome to Hinata Sou! Who are you.  
Nina: I'm Sakura Nina! Is this the Tateishi residence?  
Naru and Keitaro: WHO...IS TATEISHI?  
Nina: (Looks at Naru) You're not Tateishi Ayu...  
Naru: Why you bastard...IRON FIST PUNCH!  
Nina: (blocks punch) I don't think so, sweetheart. Practice! (creates counterpunch that sends Naru crashing through all the walls of Hinata Sou, and into the springs, making her badly injured and bloodied) Hmph.  
Keitaro: Hey! You...  
Nina: Bye! (gets on scooter with Rio, flies off.)  
Keitaro: Wait! Wait...how did she...she...WHAT THE HELL!? (collapses)  
  
Nina: Ayu-chan, Ayu-chan, wherefore art thou, Ayu-chan? Deny thy coolness, and refuse thy name...and I'll no longer be a majoko.  
  
(sings)  
Ayu and Nina: You get to burning...  
  
(sings with chorus background)  
Ayu: I wanna know what love is...  
Nina: Let's talk about love...  
Ayu: I want you to show me...  
  
(sings)  
Ayu: Sugar pie, honey bunch...  
Maya, Nina, Kaji, and Tsujiai: Sugar pie, honey bunch...  
Ayu: You know that I love you...  
Maya, Nina, Kaji, and Tsujiai: I love you...  
All: I can't help myself...  
Ayu: I love you and nobody else.  
  
(sings)  
All the Shuei boys: Build me up, buttercup, don't break my heart...  
(girls melt into piles of goo)  
  
Ayu: (in a scanty Raquel Welch outfit) Giant pterodactyl!  
  
Ayu: Do you think I look good with a red mesh on?  
Nina: No. How about me?  
Ayu: (shakes head) No.  
Maya: How about me?  
(Ayu and Nina see Maya with 5 red meshes on her locks)  
Ayu and Nina: NOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Nina's grandpa: (sings softly, playing guitar)  
If you could read my mind, love,  
What a tale my thoughts could tell,  
Just like an old-time movie,  
About a ghost from the wishing well...  
Nina: (in her magician garb, sleeping, sucking thumb, crying silently) Ojii...ja...nnnn...(falls fast asleep, still sucking thumb)  
Yuta: E...heheheh...?  
Maya: This is downright embarrassing.  
  
Nina: (in long blonde pigtails and odango) How do I look?  
Ayu: You look like you're ready to be Sailor Moon or something.  
Nina: Right. Cause, look...(takes off hair, which is actually a wig. Nina is bald.)  
Ayu: (0_0) N...NOOOOOOOOO!!!  
(screaming echoes throughout the school, disrupting all classes. Ayu passes out.)  
  
Ayu: I know how we can settle this...  
Nina: What, Ayu-chan?  
Ayu: SOCK PUPPETS!  
Nina: Uh, not in my face, Ayu-chan. They smell.  
Ayu: -_- I give up...  
  
Kaji: (sees lizard thingy smashing building downtown) o_o Oh no...Godzilla...  
Tsujiai: Godzilla...? Nooo! 0_0  
Nina: That's just Lulu... -_-  
(shock hits Ayu, Nina, and Maya at the same time)  
All three: (O_O) LULU!!?  
  
Rio: Nina, transform into Sailor Moon!  
Nina: Right! MOON PRISM POWER, MAKE UP!  
Ayu: (sees behind her back, stunned) N...Nina is...!  
Nina: I am Sailor Moon! Tsuki ni kawatte, oshioki yo! (classic SM pose and finger gesture)  
Ayu: (+_+) I...am not...dreaming...am I!?  
  
Ayu: Akuryo...TAISAN! (hurls out waves of paper that heal the boys of their ills, making them a little dizzy, too)  
  
Nina: (as Sailor Moon) Tuxedo Kamen-sama...he's so kakkoii...(hearts in her eyes, drunk in amazement)  
Ayu: Kaji-kun...is Tuxedo Kamen...dammit...where's Chiba Mamoru when you need him...? (-_-)  
  
Mikami-sensei: (singing, playing his guitar)  
In a castle dark,  
Or a fortress strong,  
With chains upon my feet,  
You know that ghost is me.  
(class falls to floor, sleeping soundly)  
(continues singing)  
...When you reach the part  
Where the heartaches come,  
The hero would be me,  
But heroes often fail...  
(classes across the hallway, and teachers fall asleep)  
(continues singing)  
...I walk away  
Like a movie star  
Who gets burned in a three-way script,  
Enter number two...  
(continues singing)  
...I don't know where we went wrong,  
But the feeling's gone,  
And I just can't get it back.  
(entire school, and administration except Mikami-sensei are fast asleep. Some are sucking their thumbs. Ayu and Nina are dreaming in heaven right now, with Maya, Kaji and Tsujiai next to them.)  
(smiles, silently leaves campus, with entire school still fast asleep, as the noonday sun passes slowly.)  
********  
End Chapter 2  
Drop me a line. I'll do the rest. 


	3. Shards of a Broken Image

I'm not stopping till I get enough, and, from the looks of it, I'm far from enough. Here is a scene from Episode 8 of the anime version of Ultra Maniac that I expanded, so as to have a more "telenovela-like" tone to it. Spoilers are possible, so watch out.

********

Ultra Oops

Chapter 3:

Shards of a Broken Image (Outtake from "Hello, Little Girls")

Pine: Um… Ayu-neesama, do your like our older sister?

Bamboo: We know you do…

Ayu: WHAT!?

Nina: (whispers) Shhhhh…not here, Pine.

Kaji: What was that?

Ayu: Oh, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

Kaji: No, I have ears in the back of my head. So…you double-cross me for a fool. You've been snooping around this time, pining for me, but you're actually in love with Sakura-san?

Ayu: No, that's not true, Kaji-kun. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier…(eyes mist) I was scared that you'd dump me if I confess…

Kaji: And I will dump you. I hate you, Tateishi. You said you loved me, but you love Sakura-san? Don't ever talk to me again. Why didn't you tell me straight up for us to break up earlier? Goodbye. (leaves class, slams door. Class stops conversation and looks at Ayu, Tsujiai, Nina and her three cousins.)

Tsujiai: Kaji?

Ayu: Kaji-kun…no...(cries for real) Kaji-kun…I'm sorry…don't…leave me…(break down real hard. Nina comes to comfort her.)

Nina: (to herself) I guess it can't be helped. (to cousins) See what you did? You say stuff like that out loud, and this happens!

Plum: But it's true, Neesama! Ayu-neesama and Nina-neesama are twin girlfriends!

Pine, Bamboo: Right, right!

(class is in deep discussion)

Ayu: (face and makeup smudged by tears) First, Kaji dumping me in front of the entire class, now this? (thinking to herself) I need a cyanide pill…my image…is shattered…I am shattered…I don't deserve to live…(runs out the class, and heads into the top floor)

Nina: Tsujiai-kun! She's going to kill herself! We gotta save her! Let's go!

Tsujiai: This is all your fault, Kaji.

Kaji: (sees Ayu run towards the top of the stairs, to the roof top) Ayu? (to himself) No… (to Ayu) Ayu! What are you doing!? Nooo! (runs after her)

Pine: Let's go!

Bamboo, Plum: Right!

(The three get on their dinosaur and head towards the top. Immediately, the classmates follow, as well as some of the other classes.)

Ayu: (standing on the rooftop's edge, about to jump down) I tried, but I failed. No one wants me in this world. Dad, Mom, I'm sorry, but I won't return the love that you want me to return. Forgive me, everyone. Forgive me, Kaji-kun…

(class reaches the top. Kaji runs toward Ayu, just before she is about to successfully get off the roof, and falls toward the ground.)

Kaji: TATEISHI!!! (grabs Ayu's hand)

Ayu: (to herself, eyes mist, blush) Kaji-kun…you saved me…but why…why?

Kaji: (to class) Hey you guys! Help me out here!

Ayu: No, don't let them pull me up. I deserve this. I don't want to live anymore.

Kaji: Why do you waste you life after all this? Don't you understand how precious your life is? Don't you have any pride? Any respect for yourself?

Ayu: Kaji-kun…

Kaji: Ayu, I'm sorry for what I said. Please, I'm sorry. Don't throw your life away! You have a lot of life to give, but only one life to live!

Nina: Ayu-chan, believe in what Kaji-kun says. He means it.

Tsujiai: We love you, Ayu. (eyes mist) We don't want you to go. Please don't go.

Ayu: Kaji-kun, Tsujiai-kun...both of you called me "Ayu"…? (smiles as she is pulled back up) I'm sorry, you guys. Kaji-kun especially.

Kaji: Ayu-chan…I love you.

Ayu: "Ayu…-chan?"

(Kaki grabs her, embraces her, and kisses her deep)

Ayu: Mmmmm…I love you....Kaji-kuuuuuun…

(She naturally gives in, and they share a long, passionate kiss)

Class: Awwwwwww…

Pine: Neesama?

Nina: What?

Bamboo: We were wrong about what we said.

Plum: Will you forgive us, Neesama?

Nina: (smiles) I forgive you. 

Pine, Bamboo, Plum: (crying) Neesama…!

Nina: It's okay. There, there now...

(Nina shares a long deep hug with her cousins, who are crying like babies in need of TLC. She shares in her mother's smile.)

Class: Awwwwww…

(some members of the class are crying, too.)

Mikami-sensei: What's going on? (sees Ayu and Kaji kissing, and Nina hugging her cousins. He smiles.) I don't need to ask.

(The sun starts to set, as the love on the rooftop grows like cherry blossoms in bloom.)

********

End Chapter 3

This has been a bit of a change from the humor, but I wanted to try something that would balance out a dramatic reality check. Give me feedback on this. Thanks. Luv ya. v^_^v


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